Sooo… yesterday was just one of those days! I was working, I’m a server, and somehow i just kept getting skipped. Everyone else has been sat with at least 8 people. Trying to keep a positive attitude about it was really hard. But i kept thinking to myself that God would provide me with the $ I needed. Continuing on through the next hour or so, I only got 8 ppl in my section and I made a grand total of $25. Now how is that supposed to pay the bills?!?!?!? I’m cut… I do my side work… and I leave… with my head hanging low… wondering where God is in all this! I’m at a low point here…
So I continue on with my day… I go home and stuff a few more envelopes with letters, and I’m calling up more friends and family getting addresses… When I feel a heavy burden layed upon me. I have this doubt and fear that I am not doing things right to raise money, that I’m not supposed to go to Africa, that my plans are all wrong. So i kinda freaked out. And again… I wondered where God was in all of that!
Next, I’m supposed to be meeting up with a bunch of friends to play some good games of volleyball! Well, I get there and am immediately thrown into a game… awesome right?!?!?! not… i was doing horribly, and it just wasn’t fun to me. There were ppl with negative vibes all around me, and again… I wondered where God was in all this. So, I continue to play more games, and nothing is getting better, everything is getting worse. So, i finally decided to call it a night! I headed to my house, and I really wondered where God was! I couldn’t find him, but he was there! and I didn’t really know where he was, until today!
At those moments…. I could not see or understand why everything sucked so badly… but i continued to press on and try to search for him. At those moments… I felt fear, I felt doubt, and I felt discouragement. But my problem was, I didn’t truly look for him. I was only looking for what I wanted. So I call it a night, and I hit the hay!
Today I wake up, and I immediately see the Lord. I talked to him about last night, and I cried out for him to show me something…. and He definitely did!
I went to work and I made $65! (which is amazing during a lunch shift!) God completely provided for me there! Enough to cover me for yesterday and today!!! Thank you Jesus!
I head home, completely grateful, and i decide to clean out my bag. I found one of my yellow envelopes pre-addressed to AIM. I open it up, and there within it are two $50 bills! Filled with awe and complete and utter thankfulness I realize that I am supposed to go on this trip, and that all fear and doubt was from the enemy! So i sit down and think to myslef where this came from! And how did I not notice it before?!?!? Then it came to me… at Water’s Edge on thursday, I passed out a few support letters. One guy, that i just met, handed back to me the yellow envelope. I thought maybe he wanted me to save the envelope for someone else, and not waste it. So I slipped it into my bag without thinking. Who knew that a little envelope with $100 can bring that much confirmation and thankfulness?!?!? This small thing made me realize even more how BIG God is. And how his plan is soooo much greater than mine. He keeps telling me “I know the plans I have for you Nicole… plans to prosper you to and to give you a future… just trust me my beloved!”
Oh, and it doesnt end there!!! i get on to check my support, and my mentor/friend has already committed to giving to my account on a monthly basis! Wow God… there you are! I couldnt see you before, because I didint trust! And you’re teaching me to trust you with little things. Baby steps! If that’s what your using to teach me now, I can’t imagine what you will do in the next year!
So God, where are you in all of this?!?!?
Now I know, you are teaching me a lesson. TRUST! It’s soooo important!
Even though I can’t see the big picture, and things don’t always make sense, I need to trust! B/c you will work them all out in the end!
You really do make bad days better!
